Friday, 23 November 2012

Summertime and the livin' is easy

It's been a while since I have written anything. Living life to the fullest is rather expensive and time consuming. But as the work year draws to an end, I'm making no plans to slow down, but rather plans to capture each of these moments. This December I plan to take more photos!

As the year rolls to an end I realise how few of these the moments I have captured in a forever-sense. Photo's being the one way I like to capture a moment for a lifetime. The other tattoos. The latter slightly more expensive, and a little more of a faux pas in the eyes of my parents since I am Jewish by birth (although admittedly terrible at following the rules). 

I'm dying to get more ink nonetheless. Some inspiration for these can be found all over my 'I <3 ink' board on Pinterest. There are so many beautiful images out there, obviously the next one I plan to ink on my body will have a deeper meaning since I believe that, for me at least, tattoos must have a story behind them. Tattoos tell stories about their owners. They read like a picture book for adults, telling stories of heartbreak, triumph and everything in between.

December time is around the corner, time for family, friends and adventures.

Just last night I was discussing with my parents how the sea brings great joy to me and how much of this December holiday (the first one since highschool that I will not be working) will be spent in my favourite seaside destination Onrus with many of my favourite people!

Each time I drive into this generally sleepy town  my heart glows and a grin that can not be wiped off appears on my face. Friends, sea, sun and crazy adventures! All round winning in my books! December time here is where some of my all time favourite memories have been made.

This year I plan on catching more on camera, while also for the first time maybe attempting a surf with my boys. In all the years I have been coming here (and there have been around 23), each December I have vowed to learn to surf. Over the course of this last year I have started living that dream (although still a total novice, and with being petite a smaller board was in order, increasing difficulty and laughs). I might just start out with paddling to the backline (if I can make it, haha) and chilling with the boys, fingers crossed some whales come to visit (there have been stories of this of late, and boy would that make my day).

While taking this much deserved break I will be traveling around our beautiful coastline to visit other friends as well, from closer destinations such as Pearly Beach and Betty's Bay to slightly further places like Mosselbay to visit the Mbay crew and go on all kinds of crazy adventures and see some faces I haven't seen in far to long (Synergy this weekend is going to be off the walls mad and filled with jumping on friends out of glee, like a mini-reunion it will be)!

Summer time, my favourite time of the year! I can't wait till the 14th, the end of my working year and the beginning of an entire month off work! Just in time to get to Onrus and enjoy watching some prime boarding and start my December holiday the right way with the Onrus Classic (15 -17 December). Things couldn't have worked out more perfect!

Over and out.



Sunday, 30 September 2012

You mean I am a mistake?

This morning I opened up Facebook only to have my eyes assaulted by some religious banter. Now don't get me wrong, religion is a topic of conversation I rarely get into because of the fact that I believe that everyone is welcome to their points of view, it's our human right after all to have the freedom to say what we think and to believe in whatever we like. However, when I (in the broader sense of the term) am told that because I do not believe in G-d (call him by which ever name you please) and rather in evolution that I am a mistake and therefore have no purpose, I'm going to open my big fat trap (as my mom so lovingly calls it) and speak up.

Now bare with me, this is only my opinion, but I prefer to live life based on facts and formulate my opinions based on those facts. Are you telling me because I choose to not believe in a Higher Power within your perimeters that I am a mistake? Who are you to make that call? Would your all loving G-d approve of such comments?

Your religious views are yours to have, and I respect you for them. However, my opinions although very different from yours, hold as much value.

Over and Out.



Friday, 28 September 2012

Moods that fluctuate like the tides

It's kind of funny how the one simile that describes moods best is that which refers to tides. The ocean being one of the few things (other than driving my car real fast) can make the adrenaline pump and wash away all my fears.

The ocean, she is vast, powerful, deserves respect and like most woman rather temperamental. She holds life within her, far beyond our wildest dreams considering we have yet to explore and discover half of what she has to offer. Like most women, she has held back, perhaps in fear.

Fear, it's a funny thing really. One simple emotion, yet it is able to hold us back from our true potential until we can learn that although afraid, that is no excuse not to try anyway. After all, the only things we ever truly regret is those things we never tried.

This week has got me thinking about this topic extensively. After all as someone once said 'life's not about waiting for the storms to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain', and Spring has flown the coop here in SA so lets dance! Life's too short to sit and think about regrets and 'what if's', the only way to change it is by putting in some action to do just that, change it. This is why I set myself a challenge for this next month, time to stop letting fear hold the reins and take back the power.

If I died today, could I truly say I lived my life with no regrets and had lived life to the fullest? I'm not sure, and that's not good enough for me anymore.

Over and Out.



Thursday, 20 September 2012

Natural Vs Chemical, Nuture Vs Genetics

Something that keeps coming up in my life is trying to explain to people the concept that drugs are drugs, be they natural or chemical, neither being better/worse than the other.

This argument brought me great frustration a couple weekends back as hypocrites are my greatest pet peeve.

For years I sat silently fighting the good fight in order to retain my sanity in a household that was reined by illogical, emotionally driven antics. A household where to be heard I felt I needed to scream or else I was going to carry on going unheard. I dreamed of a day that everyone would be able to speak their minds, their opinions not being judged as wrong but rather as a different outlook on the situation at hand. I wanted a space to call safe, a home to be a home not a war zone. Hypocritical stand points with opposing behaviour being the order of the day, and everyone screaming, but never truly being heard left me confused and searching for ways to make things better.

After finally getting out of the house, I was a lil older, but no more wiser as to how to deal with life as those that should have been guiding me had had no guidance themselves in this regard. I am a firm believer that children are molded by a combination of genetics and their surroundings in their formative years. Granted I have little to no recollection of these years, but the memories I do have only make my belief in this stronger.

I was searching for years in all the wrong places, until someone suggested rehab. So I packed my shit up, asked for help (having to admit to one of the coping mechanisms and symptoms of much deeper issues in order for them to take me serious - drugs are bad kids, be they of the natural or chemical variant). Only problem is now that I am out, my family is stuck on the 'drugs are bad part' and not on the fact that it was a symptom, one that brought me to the point of asking for help as it was in my face, but a symptom nonetheless. I needed direction from some more well-rounded adults, and am now making healthier choices. Those choices I speak of, they are mine to make, and I will keep making those, even if that means hurting your feelings when I have to tell you that you are crossing boundaries when you leave your shit in my car and then harp on about my choices.

Sometimes I want to give them an inventory journal and be like 'I think we will get on better if you try work on yourself like I am and realise just because I acted out in a more obvious manner, you ain't perfect.'  Because neither of us is. Perfection is a lie we were taught growing up, it does not exist. We are constantly changing, evolving and learning. Maybe once this concept is grasped the hypocrisy will diminish.

Those mountains were set in my path for a reason, I was meant to climb over those mountains to get to where I am today. Only difference between us, is I can see that and all you can see are the mountains.

Give it a week of letting all involved simmer down and a discussion with the family member in question, we are now finally on the same page of understanding. But this is only due to my now well developed ability to communicate & to response instead of reacting - something my parents struggle to grasp at times. They are improving for the most part, and for this I am grateful, however on occasion they get a lil irrational and forget to listen to facts.

Only time will tell if my little (and by no means is that reflective of how dysfunctional) dysfunctional family will grow into a more peaceful and rational one. Here's to holding thumbs that at 30 I will have my shit together and my family theirs. I know I'm powerless over them, but hope is still alive and kicking, and with the progress over the last year and 3 months,things are looking good for the lil crazy clan of 4 and extended family.

Over and Out.



Tuesday, 14 August 2012

'What a lot I got' doesn't only refer to smarties

Who knew life in sobriety could get this crazy busy, I sure didn't expect it. But that is the beauty of life, one never really knows what is coming next.

The last couple months have been filled with everything from weddings (some of the younger generation and some older), sibling party evenings, new hair cuts and a whole lot of everything in between.

Life is so full now, I barely got a chance to sit down and write this blog. Although I am unsure as to how many in fact read it, it is of a rather therapeutic nature that I sit and write these pieces. It helps to unravel all the crazy up in my head, the confusion and even re-create the feelings of joy that I have experienced recently.

Never in my life would I have thought that without the chaos I would be utterly content. And as my profound friend said just last night 'Life just is, and I just am' with regards to her own life. But it pertains to everyones lives really. No one sits around and goes, 'Oh universe, don't you just feel like throwing a boulder in my path', but each time it does (often a few at a time). But with each hike over the boulder growth takes place. Growth that brings about a new meaning to joy when overcome. The last month, although wonderful, has brought me to my knees a couple of times, keeping me up late into the night pondering. As with all good things, there must be balance.

At times I wish that the curve-balls with regards to some areas in my life didn't have to exist and life was like a movie (one that I had already watched and knew the ending of), so there would be no cruel surprises. Other times I find it thrilling not knowing what is to become of me, what lays ahead on this journey (that might not have an ending if re-incarnation is a truth), ever learning, every growing, ever changing.

Sometimes I get all silly and wish on a shooting star or a lash to have some of the answers revealed. And the universe generally humbly obliges with a riddle like sign, that could have a thousand meanings or none at all. Although once upon a trip to Wilderness a sign literally hit me in the face.

Which reminds me, another road trip is in order. I long for the open road, and the smell of the ocean! I am literally craving a surf so bad I am contemplating taking up skateboarding again (and I wasn't very successful the first time) - With an over-protective dad, a mother who scolded all my friends for skating on the properties (with me hiding in the feet area for fear of being connected with her - every teenagers nightmare, haha) and a serious lack in drops that I was allowed to try my luck at, it was a short lived attempt. (read:love affair) And I just came to the damming realisation (just made the sound Muttley used to make when Dastardly came up with plans he didn't like) that once again my Sunday surf is not to be. Time to put a set-up together, or borrow someones then..I'm getting back on the board (land or water) this weekend. This drought must end!

And that ends todays view into my one can see it's all over the place up in there. It sure is a crazy adventure though.

Over and out.


Tuesday, 19 June 2012

New beginnings, Old Habits

Dum dum dum...<insert drum roll><flash of lightning> 365 day have passed since the dawn of my new beginning.

<Points to exhibit A above> As usual my coping mechanisms I choose to use when feeling vulnerable & or obsessive are 1. humour & 2. tell someone, but only the superficial layer. Here goes part 2 : the superficial layer, in an attempt to free my mind. Hopefully some form of serenity and sanity befalls me while I write what is sitting heavily on my chest.

Todays the big day, 365 clean & sober. However, not feeling serene at all today. Feeling overwhelmed with work stresses while trying to hand over as there is so much I am powerless over. And best of all, I have my all time favourite past time to occupy me; obsessing about conversations that went 'wrong' (i.e not as I would have prefered them to go had I read my script perfectly).

Over the last couple weeks I have faced quite a few fears head on, one main one being rejection. Although I remain proud of myself for even broaching the subject (as I had been running away from it for quite some time) and the conversation had most of the key points I had mulled over in my head for a couple of years, there was a vital fact I left out (for the 2nd time now). And it's been running through my head ever since. Leaving me only with the dreaded feeling of 'what if?'. I hate 'what ifs'. Those open ended questions that could have any outcome, meaning they are out of my control and I don't know what is coming next. Oh wait, that's how life always is, and I try keep trying to change it. I can hear the definition of insanity in my head as I type this.

This behavioural pattern is constantly cutting me off at the knees and brings me right back down to that core issue of control. Oh, dear control issues. I have worked on you so hard.

Today the pressure got to me, the control issues looming. I forgot to breath, and when people started changing the plans, the stress got a bit too much. As a result I did not to react in the calm manner in which I would have like to, I did not make a concise and well founded statement, but instead word vomitted my fears surrounding the topic (that which should have remained in my head) and here I am left sitting obsessing about what my office thinks of me. The reality is, those that heard have all forgotten about it, many probably didn't even hear it. I am probably the only one who remembers it because it was me and we are all inherently self-centered beings with shitloads of work to get done and our own daily struggles. Making it a mere blip in the radar. The reality is I know all of this, my head knows all of this, but my thoughts they do always want not listen.

At this point I can only hope that tomorrow runs smoother and make a promise to myself not to drag today into tomorrow, thus allowing tomorrow to be a new beginning (as each day should be).

Here's to fresh starts on brisk winter days.

Over & out.



Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Default Settings

For a long time I felt like I had created this creative persona to deal with some traumas from childhood, the dramatic switch from good student with good grades with analytical skills to creative art student felt almost fake because it had not been a formal passion of mine that I got graded on till late adolescence. It felt like I was a fake. Like if I didn't get perfect grades and wasn't the self I thought I had been then it must be a persona that I had created.

But it's on day's like these that I am reminded just how much of a geek and a creative at the same time, and how much I actually enjoy it. It's funny how things turn into something you never knew they could without much push from your side.

I have an abundance of passions, all of which could be said to be completely non-related, and not the 'usual' mix found in one person. But nearing 11 months (2 and 1/2 days to go and obscenely blessed)  I have come to accept (on most days) that I can be all the things I think I am and all the things I want to be. All if I am willing to try anything and put everything into all the things I am doing while remembering the all important rule: moderation. A complex task for a person such as myself, but achievable if I keep my eye on the goal - to be content, not rich, not famous, content (and as an incredibly inspirational friend said, at ease).

Yesterday I was plagued by feeling 'less than' purely because I was comparing my insides to someone elses. My perfectionistic tendancies are probably the biggest threat to my recovery, and the default I tend to fall prey to most often.

From a young age I pushed myself hard, always putting more than necessary into everything (be it a friendship or schoolwork). I am my own worst enemy for the most part and do not remember a day that I was not.

I was tough on myself from the get-go. My mom once told me a story that describes it perfectly. The just of it that from the day I could speak just one word, I would get frustrated with myself should I not be able to get out what I wanted to say (having little vocabulary of course), but instead of sitting with it, I would get frustrated and hold my breath till I went blue and passed out. In fear of this my mother sought guidance from our house doctor at the time, to be told not to worry about it. The funny thing is, even if I'm not going blue in the face anymore, this time old habit of mine of getting frustrated with myself for whatever reason and then harming myself in some shape or form is a pattern that continues today.

I do not know from whom I learnt these habits, it could be from any one of the adults I grew up surrounded by. What I do know however is that one day at a time I plan on trying to hand over my frustrations with myself and let my HP take the reins, because my way clearly didn't work.

I am so grateful for this program, and all that it has taught me thus far. For the first time I can openly say I can feel the growth. I have had some struggles recently, but through good friends, and breaking old patterns I can feel growth. I can show affection to others and to myself. It is coming up to my 1st birthday, and I can not believe how much has changed in one year, one day at a time. To all those that have been a part of it thus far, words can not fully describe how grateful I am to you (you all know who you are).

Over and Out.


Sunday, 22 April 2012

Paddle out in Memory of David Warrior Lilienfeld

21 April 2012

Courage is fear that has said its prayers 
                                                    - Karle Wilson Baker

No one of us is always courageous. With trepidation we embark on many journeys. Fear is dispelled each time we rely on our inner strength and trust that our lives are in good hands.
Self-talk is powerful and will prepare us to meet whatever lies ahead today. Self-talk is like prayer and quiets our fears making it possible to give  our full attention to the events transpiring. Self-talk, when positive, cultivates a healthy self-image, one that offers security, even in the face of disaster. We all carry on a dialogue with ourselves much of the time. Taking charge of the messages- making sure they enhance our personal well-being - is an option always available to us.
No situation is more than we can handle. Whatever courage or strength is needed is as close as our willingness to go within, to commune with ourselves.

I must own my fear before I can let them go. Courage follows closely on their departing footsteps.

This was the first thing I read when I woke up yesterday, to a day I knew I would be going out to support all those close to me who were lucky enough to have Dave, the incredible guy he was, in their lives.

Yesterday I was honoured to be at the paddle out in memory of such an incredible person. It was evident to all who were there just how many lives Dave touched, many of whom there only in spirit, but felt just as strongly as those in the water and those standing at the waters edge. I have never been to a memorial that was so heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. A memorial where the energy of the sorely missed (but as many have so rightly said, never forgotten) hung in the air and connected every soul there.

Dave's dad said something that stuck out to me, he had taught Dave and his brother Gustav to never fear anything. It reminded me just how much fear holds us back, and what a full life Dave lived. His early departure from the physical world has left many thinking about what is going on in their own lives. For me it is no different.

So many hours, days, weeks are wasted on moaning about the smaller things in life. Dave's life and passing has reminded me that I need to forget about fear and just go for it. As children we feel like everything is possible, but as we grow up we place our own limitations on what we can achieve. No more of this. The only limitations that exist are those that are in our own minds, if we believe it, have the drive and go for it with 120% of what we got (and even half the fearlessness of Dave) nothing could go any worse than it would if we didn't try at all. Life is something for living (and he sure did that to the fullest). Here's to living life, no regrets. RIP Dave.


Friday, 13 April 2012

Friday the 13th

It's always interesting to me to see how Friday the 13th's will end up unfolding. It really runs home the idea of that your mindset can determine what route your life will take. That’s not to say if you wake-up positive the day will go great nor does it mean that if it starts out bad it will go tragically. The beauty of this life we lead is that we have choices, and that includes choosing how things and people will affect us. Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude” and I truly believe in this. Particularly if you change your attitude on how you respond to an event or person.

I have been trying to create new behaviours over the last couple of 24hrs and yesterday I got a little worked up by my mom (she has that ability when I allow her to), but I tried some new behavior out and phoned to apologize for my behavior. I knew that she as a person does not listen to rational thought and tends to act purely on emotions and that my apology was not heard over the voices in her head screaming ‘how dare she!’ and ‘I am your mother and therefore your superior’. What I was left with was a pissed off mother who had chosen to hear ‘I am coming through Sunday especially for your birthday’ as a negative, when it was meant to be me showing that I care and therefore I am coming through. Last year I forgot her birthday completely due to me living in my own world enveloped by active, and she couldn’t have cared less. The year I remember and make an effort I get shat on.

This would seem completely absurd to most, but this is my mother. She enjoys fighting with me, if I do not behave irrationally (like I did in the past with her), she does not get to get high off fighting with me and feeling superior. Therefore she must start fights with me out of anything (laundry was the last one, in which I remained calm and this infuriated her). So my getting worked up, was in her eyes joyous, however me apologizing destroyed her plan. So instead she took something out of context, told my dad what I had said and I got to wake-up to a charming phone call from my father telling me his favourite line: ‘ you know you can’t say that to your mother’. You can’t say anything to my mother, we must tip-toe around her and edit our thoughts, because something will be taken up as a good fire starter and a fight will ensue.

This being the case, last year had she done this I would have simply not gone through. Although this would later be used as ammunition for another fight (probably about how I care about a certain person more than her), so this year I will go through. I will behave as though this little tantrum never happened, because on some level she will hopefully realize that I was being sincere and that she twisted the story in her head and over-reacted. She will never tell me of this revelation if it happens, but I will know I did the right thing. My dad will be happy and my sister will be glad she’s not there alone (and I wouldn’t want her to be, birthday’s are always so much fun <insert sarcasm> in our household, but at least we have each other). My mother will probably give me daggers, but somewhere inside her heart feel all warm and fuzzy.

Just for today I will not respond the way I used to. I will not give myself a good reason to beat myself up (as I have in the past), to enable my mother and her behavior, nor will I give my addict something to work with that will tempt me to the dark side. I will keep my side of the street clean, and if she does not like this, that is her issue not mine. I will not let the way my day started define how it will end. I have a choice and I can choose to make a negative beginning be the turning point for a positive day. 

Over and out.


Thursday, 5 April 2012

Pesach in Recovery

So it's that time of year again...time for those of us who are Jews to eat cement (a.k.a Matzah) and feel 10kg's heavier and those of us who are not to eat an abundance of chocolate eggies and feel as though we have eaten a years supply of binges.

Last year this time this holiday was the perfect reason to restrict (no questions asked by my family, due to the fact that they too feel a whole lot heavier this time of year when consuming matzah). This time round it's time to re-work my meal plan and remind myself that matzah only makes me feel like a oompaloompa, but that it is in fact all in my head.

To be honest, I hadn't put much thought into why I had wanted to restrict the last 3 days, and it just hit me why. My pattern a year ago would have looked like this - restrict the week before, eat the matzah and the big ass meals on the first 2 days (because now I was allowed to). Insane, yes, why yes if I lived my life like my head told me to most of you would think I was. And I suppose that means I am.

Combine food issues with family and you got a mess. And that is what every Jewish holiday looks like to me. A big ol mess I feel the need to control. Now trying to step back from the family issues and step back from the controlling it with food and well, it is sort of tough.

Over the last 9 and a half months I have managed to really get a hold of my issues with my family, my food however, is where I slip up. Especially when it comes to family functions. By no means is this an excuse, in fact, it's me acknowledging the issue at hand. I need to relinquish all control when around my family in order to preserve my sanity. I need to hand it over to my HP, hope for the best and stick with my meal plan.

And while I'm at it, not over work myself in order to numb out the feelings coming up.

Lord, there's a lot of work still to do, but somehow I think if I just keep taking it day by day I just might be ok. My gut says this next week is going to run a lot smoother than expected, and boy do I hope it's right. Faith that it will will have to get me through this weekend.

So HP help a girl out here, ok?

Over and out.


Friday, 23 March 2012

Enjoying the small things in life

A wonderful reader of my blog Rachel, reminded me about moderation and how the little things in life are so important to my sanity.

As the weekend draws near, so does Friday afternoons dreaded traffic..dum dum dum (I'm feeling a lil dramatic today, but in a good way).

So here are my tips for getting through the traffic with your sanity intact:

1. Breath
2. Put some good music on (you could even make an epic travelling cd filled with all your favourites)
3. Remember that the maniacs on the road who are trying to lane jump in traffic are there to remind   
    us that we need to be vigilant when on the roads..things happen when we forget that and if any
    destination is reached sooner it will be whatever lies ahead for us in the afterlife.
4. Pedestrians will cross roads, and generally at a leisurely pace, might as well let them pass you,  
    pump the music louder and chill - promise you it ends up far more serene this way.
5. Bikes will come flying by, so either change lanes carefully or chill. You will get to your destination
    at pretty much the same time as you would have had you 'just got round the slow-poke', there is  
    traffic, chill (statistics have proven this).
6. Might as well enjoy the scenery that is the beautiful city we live in...
    my favourite moments while driving have come from breathing, jamming in my car and taking in 
    just how the light is streaming across and making what would be a beautiful photograph had my
    eyes been camera lenses and could capture it in more than just my memory bank.

Have a fantastic weekend guys!

Over & out.

Monday, 12 March 2012

Ramfest in Recovery

What a crazy ass experience, all of which I remember. Winning in my books!

Just a year ago I was stuck in a dysfunctional relationship that should never have been begun in the first place. But once I was in I was transformed, in some way or another after realising that this was the longest relationship I had ever been in, I fell into the trap (set up by my low self-esteem) and believed that clearly only someone with that many issues could ever love me and be with me for longer that 3 weeks -  what I have come to call the 3 week curse.

A year on and happily single (o.k. that's a lie sometimes, but for the most part it's true) and clean, not entirely serene (but that's o.k, it's life). And still making some of the stupid mistakes, but that's o.k too, because if I expected myself to just be fixed I would be as naiive as the family members of a dear friend of mine (not naming names, *cough* *cough*).

Nearing 9 months now (saying that in my head sounds obscenely weird) and finally went to my first outdoor adventure... Ramfest. Off I went, on my own - dear g-d, must have been feeling real brave yesterday and driven insane by my deep love for Inflames.

Thankfully as I have come to realise over the last couple months, I always tend to bump into friends. And had made plans to meet up with some of the my lovely friends that I had not seen since I disappeared into rehab. Unfortunately it didn't go exactly according to plan (as I didn't get to see all of them), but that's ok I guess.

What it did make me realise is just how much I am willing to put my body through in order to watch one of my all time favourite musical geniuses. Migrane aside it was a phat jam! I could have listened to them for the rest of the night and the next day quite happily.

I did however learn a lot of life lessons upon my Ramfest journey and a few things about myself. That said, no hangover and an early bedtime so I could be at work today all bright and bushy tailed.. it was an epic day (even if I got totally sweaty and often had to go dunk my ass under the water towers). The joys of festivals. (laughs to self) Responsible Mitchel, has changed in so many ways and yet remains flawed and driven by her heart and not her head some days is here to stay. She just needs to learn to manage the heart issues with a little more logic and a little less hopeless romantic wishing for the Decembers of yesteryear and all will be well.

Just for today I'm still my hopeless romantic self and that's o.k. I don't need to punish myself, nor do I need to beat myself up for the next month because I'm still human. I am human, and that means I am fallible and at times get caught up by my hearts yearnings, it doesn't make me a bad person. It just means I'm not a robot.

Over & out.


Friday, 2 March 2012

Gifted Friends Series Rose Molteno

In my life I have been very fortunate to meet friends that are not only passionate, but also extremely talented. One such friend is Rose Molteno, an incredibly talented designer who in September 2011 started working full time on her own company, Molteno Creations.

She has been in the industry for five years now and from the get go she was making waves. The judges at the Durban July knew they had a gifted designer on their hands when they chose her as a finalist in the Durban July.

Rose isn’t afraid of working hard and is passionate about creating exquisite garments for anything from your Matric Dance to your wedding. Any occasion can be made even more spectacular with a Molteno creation hugging your curves and showing off your temple in all the right ways.

Rose learnt her trade (coming top of her class) graduating with an International City & Guildes Diploma and working under names such as Michelle Harper (YDE) and Craig Native.

She certainly knows her stuff when it comes to creating incredible gowns that fit like a glove and any girl would be lucky to own their very own Molteno Creation.

More recently Rose is looking for a fresh face to represent her marvelous company for 2012 and from next week a competition will begin where you can enter (simply by ‘liking’ her Facebook page - to become The Face of Molteno Creations 2012. The finalists will be notified in September 2012 and the winner will win a fabulous make-over and professional photo shoot to either add to, or begin her modeling portfolio.

So come on ladies, what are you waiting for… get clicking and stand a chance to look and feel like a princess, even if it’s just for one day.

Don’t forget to check out her website for more details on prices and ordering – & her Facebook page to see some of her incredible creations 

Will post pics of her work soon... 

Over and out.


p.s Coming soon – an interview with the talented designer. <watch this space>

Friday, 10 February 2012


Some days I am amazed at the world I live in. The one thing the program has taught me is that even though I have changed, those around me have not. What has changed is how they affect me. In the past I would want to use because someone deleted me off a site, it meant I was not good enough to be their friend and that they didn't like me. Today, I don't care, not everyone is going to like me, and that is perfectly alright with me.

I spoke my mind on a subject earlier today and people disagreed. Although I agree with their points as they are valid, my opinion is as valid as well.

I have done many things in my life that I am not proud of, I have done many things that I can however hold my head up high and say I did those with the purest of intentions.This post would not be one of those. In all honesty it is a rant. Just as they had a right to rant about how they disagreed with what I did, now it's my turn.

Do you think we live in a world of butterflies and rainbows? No, sadly we do not. If by simply posting a picture you are willing to delete me off a site I wonder if we were friends in the first place? Do you not know that I would not just post a horrid photo to traumatize some of those on my friend list?
I shared it because it shocked me. And yes, I am not taking action, by posting it. You are right in that respect. But on numerous occasions I have in fact taken action against it. This post was not to get you all up in my face, it was done out of care, out of the fact that I was shocked at what I was seeing. The brutality of the people that are supposed to have the same beating heart in their chest and the use of their frontal lobes. I was shocked, and my heart broke for the animal, so I posted it. Hate me for having a heart. 

Over and out.


Sunday, 5 February 2012


A foreign concept almost 8 months ago, and today it is one I am so familiar with.

Nearly 8 months ago I would have scoffed at you had you told me to write a gratuity list and told you, 'be grateful for what?' and yet here I sit today and I have the warmest fuzziest feeling in my tummy because I have the best friends a girl could ask for. And shock horror, some of them are girls...this I myself find hard to believe. How life has changed.
That is the beauty of never knowing what is coming next.

Last night, lets just say it wasn't my finest moments emotionally. Even in recovery I am a pro at shoving down and numbing feelings though not with the use of drugs, but rather with preoccupation such as work.
Last night after my final shift at Exclusive Books it all hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly I had a moment alone with my thoughts and BOOM there those thoughts were.

The best line I ever heard in rehab was 'your mind  is a dangerous place, your likely to get hijacked there' and it still rings true. Boy can my mind take me to a dark place, and once I allow it too, the cravings to numb it with the use of mind altering substances begin to flow in. Thankfully I have the tools to handle them and friends who I know I can talk to no matter the situation, no matter how silly I think the topic is that is making me crave. There is no judgement there. There is only understanding and acceptance. And for that I am so grateful.

I love you guys, I hope you know that! <3

Over & out.


Thursday, 2 February 2012

Working Girl Adventure

In my quest to become financially independent as quick as possible I took on two jobs, and couple part-time ones too, ignoring all nay sayers. So began the 7 day working girl adventure.

And what an adventure it has been. Unfortunately due to scheduling difficulties it is to soon end. It did however give me time to learn some valuable lessons and most importantly to realise just how important my recovery is to me.

Just as I was beginning to miss the fashion world (the only contact I have had has been working backstage at fashion shows), opportunities have come knocking. The corporate world is a daunting one if nothing else, but my heart yearns for some creativity. Some really rad friends of mine are planning on starting a lable and have asked me to sew some samples for them. Who would have thunk it? Me behind a sewing machine again. But a lot has changed over the year that I have spent away from my machine. No longer do I want to kill two birds with one stone and throw my machine at a taxi. Instead, I can't wait to start getting back behind the pedal and creating some fantastical pieces.

Now all that's left is to venture towards my home town, Paarl, and pick up my machine. Something that scares me since my relationship with my mother is rather volatile and I never know what vale I will find over the house that I once called home.

7 and a half months and loving recovery, but have to keep reminding myself I am powerless over others and that it's about time to get back on my stepwork. Been procrastinating for a while now, time to get cracking. If this is what recovery holds without stepwork for a couple months, then I can't wait to see what it has in store for me once I stop procrastinating on step 3.

Over and out.