Friday, 10 February 2012


Some days I am amazed at the world I live in. The one thing the program has taught me is that even though I have changed, those around me have not. What has changed is how they affect me. In the past I would want to use because someone deleted me off a site, it meant I was not good enough to be their friend and that they didn't like me. Today, I don't care, not everyone is going to like me, and that is perfectly alright with me.

I spoke my mind on a subject earlier today and people disagreed. Although I agree with their points as they are valid, my opinion is as valid as well.

I have done many things in my life that I am not proud of, I have done many things that I can however hold my head up high and say I did those with the purest of intentions.This post would not be one of those. In all honesty it is a rant. Just as they had a right to rant about how they disagreed with what I did, now it's my turn.

Do you think we live in a world of butterflies and rainbows? No, sadly we do not. If by simply posting a picture you are willing to delete me off a site I wonder if we were friends in the first place? Do you not know that I would not just post a horrid photo to traumatize some of those on my friend list?
I shared it because it shocked me. And yes, I am not taking action, by posting it. You are right in that respect. But on numerous occasions I have in fact taken action against it. This post was not to get you all up in my face, it was done out of care, out of the fact that I was shocked at what I was seeing. The brutality of the people that are supposed to have the same beating heart in their chest and the use of their frontal lobes. I was shocked, and my heart broke for the animal, so I posted it. Hate me for having a heart. 

Over and out.


Sunday, 5 February 2012


A foreign concept almost 8 months ago, and today it is one I am so familiar with.

Nearly 8 months ago I would have scoffed at you had you told me to write a gratuity list and told you, 'be grateful for what?' and yet here I sit today and I have the warmest fuzziest feeling in my tummy because I have the best friends a girl could ask for. And shock horror, some of them are girls...this I myself find hard to believe. How life has changed.
That is the beauty of never knowing what is coming next.

Last night, lets just say it wasn't my finest moments emotionally. Even in recovery I am a pro at shoving down and numbing feelings though not with the use of drugs, but rather with preoccupation such as work.
Last night after my final shift at Exclusive Books it all hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly I had a moment alone with my thoughts and BOOM there those thoughts were.

The best line I ever heard in rehab was 'your mind  is a dangerous place, your likely to get hijacked there' and it still rings true. Boy can my mind take me to a dark place, and once I allow it too, the cravings to numb it with the use of mind altering substances begin to flow in. Thankfully I have the tools to handle them and friends who I know I can talk to no matter the situation, no matter how silly I think the topic is that is making me crave. There is no judgement there. There is only understanding and acceptance. And for that I am so grateful.

I love you guys, I hope you know that! <3

Over & out.


Thursday, 2 February 2012

Working Girl Adventure

In my quest to become financially independent as quick as possible I took on two jobs, and couple part-time ones too, ignoring all nay sayers. So began the 7 day working girl adventure.

And what an adventure it has been. Unfortunately due to scheduling difficulties it is to soon end. It did however give me time to learn some valuable lessons and most importantly to realise just how important my recovery is to me.

Just as I was beginning to miss the fashion world (the only contact I have had has been working backstage at fashion shows), opportunities have come knocking. The corporate world is a daunting one if nothing else, but my heart yearns for some creativity. Some really rad friends of mine are planning on starting a lable and have asked me to sew some samples for them. Who would have thunk it? Me behind a sewing machine again. But a lot has changed over the year that I have spent away from my machine. No longer do I want to kill two birds with one stone and throw my machine at a taxi. Instead, I can't wait to start getting back behind the pedal and creating some fantastical pieces.

Now all that's left is to venture towards my home town, Paarl, and pick up my machine. Something that scares me since my relationship with my mother is rather volatile and I never know what vale I will find over the house that I once called home.

7 and a half months and loving recovery, but have to keep reminding myself I am powerless over others and that it's about time to get back on my stepwork. Been procrastinating for a while now, time to get cracking. If this is what recovery holds without stepwork for a couple months, then I can't wait to see what it has in store for me once I stop procrastinating on step 3.

Over and out.