Something that keeps coming up in my life is trying to explain to people the concept that drugs are drugs, be they natural or chemical, neither being better/worse than the other.
This argument brought me great frustration a couple weekends back as hypocrites are my greatest pet peeve.
For years I sat silently fighting the good fight in order to retain my sanity in a household that was reined by illogical, emotionally driven antics. A household where to be heard I felt I needed to scream or else I was going to carry on going unheard. I dreamed of a day that everyone would be able to speak their minds, their opinions not being judged as wrong but rather as a different outlook on the situation at hand. I wanted a space to call safe, a home to be a home not a war zone. Hypocritical stand points with opposing behaviour being the order of the day, and everyone screaming, but never truly being heard left me confused and searching for ways to make things better.
After finally getting out of the house, I was a lil older, but no more wiser as to how to deal with life as those that should have been guiding me had had no guidance themselves in this regard. I am a firm believer that children are molded by a combination of genetics and their surroundings in their formative years. Granted I have little to no recollection of these years, but the memories I do have only make my belief in this stronger.
I was searching for years in all the wrong places, until someone suggested rehab. So I packed my shit up, asked for help (having to admit to one of the coping mechanisms and symptoms of much deeper issues in order for them to take me serious - drugs are bad kids, be they of the natural or chemical variant). Only problem is now that I am out, my family is stuck on the 'drugs are bad part' and not on the fact that it was a symptom, one that brought me to the point of asking for help as it was in my face, but a symptom nonetheless. I needed direction from some more well-rounded adults, and am now making healthier choices. Those choices I speak of, they are mine to make, and I will keep making those, even if that means hurting your feelings when I have to tell you that you are crossing boundaries when you leave your shit in my car and then harp on about my choices.
Sometimes I want to give them an inventory journal and be like 'I think we will get on better if you try work on yourself like I am and realise just because I acted out in a more obvious manner, you ain't perfect.' Because neither of us is. Perfection is a lie we were taught growing up, it does not exist. We are constantly changing, evolving and learning. Maybe once this concept is grasped the hypocrisy will diminish.
Those mountains were set in my path for a reason, I was meant to climb over those mountains to get to where I am today. Only difference between us, is I can see that and all you can see are the mountains.
Give it a week of letting all involved simmer down and a discussion with the family member in question, we are now finally on the same page of understanding. But this is only due to my now well developed ability to communicate & to response instead of reacting - something my parents struggle to grasp at times. They are improving for the most part, and for this I am grateful, however on occasion they get a lil irrational and forget to listen to facts.
Only time will tell if my little (and by no means is that reflective of how dysfunctional) dysfunctional family will grow into a more peaceful and rational one. Here's to holding thumbs that at 30 I will have my shit together and my family theirs. I know I'm powerless over them, but hope is still alive and kicking, and with the progress over the last year and 3 months,things are looking good for the lil crazy clan of 4 and extended family.
Over and Out.
Mich
xoxo
