Thursday, 17 November 2011

Rolling with the suggestions

The last couple of weeks have taught me a lot about myself.

When depression knocks on the door and I let it take over. I loose and my addict wins. But the war was not lost, nor was the battle. I just had to fight a little harder and pack my ego away.

Asking for help has never been the easiest thing for me to muster up the courage to do. But with the friends I have made over the duration of the last five months, who can read me better than I can read myself sometimes, it's easier these days. Not easier in the sense that it's no longer difficult, but simpler.

If I follow my program and work my steps alongside my fellows I know I can't go wrong. The suggestions being more like subtle hints in the right direction. As long as I'm on this path I know I'm going to be okay.

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Just for Today

Sometimes life makes you angry and all you can do is write about it. As I sit here today I am in rehab for my addictions.

I can only speak from my experience, but I needed this caged experience to teach me the tools I was not taught at home. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and was not taught to deal with life on life's terms. I have an eating disorder  and drug addiction to name but a few of my issues. I was born this way. I was born with a disease that nearly destroyed my already broken home. I am not proud of this, but I am proud of the fact that I chose to open my big mouth and ask for help when I was drowning.

I have been in for just over 4 months and can safely say that for the first time in my life I know now who I am and am willing to fight the right fight. My disease will not win. I want a clean life where I make rational decisions, not solely based on emotions that I was not comfortable with and didn't want to deal with.

The feeling I am feeling today is most uncomfortable, it is anger. I have been told no, something I'm sure no one likes to hear and it has left me feeling like I'm back at home and unheard unless I get pissed off and go use. Suddenly then I am heard. So instead I have decided to create a blog to help with dealing with life on it's terms. I don't know if anyone will read this, but that's not my point here. We all have voices and they should be heard. Kids are meant to grow up into adults with their own set of opinions and views on things. This was a no no growing up. But thanks to the internet I can now have a voice.

Over and out.